Sid Waddell Quotes

Sid Waddell  Professional Darts Commentator and Writer - Linguistic Quotes

Dart Players have came to love Sid Waddell for his commentary on darts, but he is best remembered for his famous one liners. All of his sayings were unrehearsed, unscripted and unprepared in both sense of the word.

Judge for yourself here are a number of his famous sayings. I have listed my favourites at the top and recorded others by approximate date order. if you know of any more please let me know.

Sid was not just a commentator for darts but also for Pool, He was an established novelist and writer of a number of dart books.

Visit Sid Waddell's Official Web Site to learn more about Sid click here

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"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos."

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"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."

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"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank"

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"Steve Beaton - The Adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax."

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"The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in ,with a portion of chips..... you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them"

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"Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water buffalo with a pea-shooter"

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"He may practice 12 hours a day, but he's not shy of the burger van!"

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"He's as cool as a prized marrow!"

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"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength."

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"Keith Deller is like Long John Silver - he's badly in need of another leg."

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"Cliff Lazarenko's jumping up and down like a gorilla saying "give me back my banana!"

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"Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah, Bristow."

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"It's just like taking a sausage from a boy in a wheelchair."

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"As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here."

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"The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!"

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"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"

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"Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy."

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"Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete!”

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"He's about as predictable as a wasp on speed"

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"If you're round your auntie's tonight, tell her to stop making the cookie's and come thru to the living room and watch these two amazing athletes beat the proverbial house out of each other"

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"It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia."

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"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline"

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"Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out"

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"His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch"

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"That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."

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"Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint."

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"He is as slick as minestrone soup"

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"There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions."

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"John Lowe is striding out like Alexander the Great conquering the Persians"

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"There's only one word for that - magic darts!"

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"Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!"

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"I don't know what he's had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the Snap, Crackle and Pop outta Bristow"

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"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer....Bristow's only 27."

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"Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in Essex."

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"If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone home."

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"He's playing out of his pie crust."

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"They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They'll have to play outta their essence!"

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"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame".

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"He's playing like Robin Hood in the Nottingham super league"

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"Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!"

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"The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu."

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"Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a choo-choo train!"

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"He's like D'Artagnan at the scissor factory."

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"Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's The Donis"

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“His face is sagging with tension.”

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“The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board.”

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“He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends.”

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"He's going like the Loch Ness Monster with a following wind!"

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"Eyes like a pterodactyl....with contact lenses"

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"He's got three legs under his belt and he's running away with the match!"

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"Its like giving Billy Bunter the the key to your pantry door"

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"I can only sum that up in one word - world-class darts"

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"Even the crumpet knows that's not good enough "

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"They're showing Shakespeare's Othello over on BBC1 but if you want real drama tonight, get down here to Jollies, Stoke-on-Trent"

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"Tell Mrs Dellar not to bother putting the chips on, because Keith won't be home for his tea tonight"

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"His physiognomy is that of a weeping Madonna."

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"You couldn't get more excitement here if Elvis Presley walked in eating a chip sandwich!"

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"He's playing out of his pie crust."

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"Here's Baxter doing a cock-a-leaky soup job on Ovens!"

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"The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome"

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"They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They'll have to play outta their essence!"

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"There's no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers"

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"He's planting those arrows with the accuracy of a couple of inter-continental ballistic missiles."

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"Bob Anderson ... looking like Lee van Cleef on a bad night!"

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"Painter's not bothering with an undercoat… he's gone straight to gloss!"

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"That's quality with a capital K."

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"If you had to throw a knife at your wife in a circus, you'd want to throw it like that."

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"Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles."

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"William Tell could take out an apple your head, Taylor could take out a processed pea."

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"Circus Tavern packed — even a garter snake smothered in Vaseline couldn't slide in here."

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